11:55
11:55
Sabado. Inaya ako ng mga ka-opisina ko para mamili sa mall. Para kahit papaano ay malibang kahit sandali mula sa buong linggong pagtatrabaho, sumama ako. Ang isang araw na akala ko ay magiging kaaya aya at maluwag.
Masaya ang araw ko kahit umuulan at bumabagyo pero hindi ito nagtagal. Habang masayang nagkukuwentuhan sa loob ng jeep patungong "mall", nang ang aking atensiyon ay biglang pinukaw ng isang pamilyar na halimuyak. Ang halimuyak ay nagmumula sa kung kanino sa loob ng sasakyan. Isang halimuyak na hindi sinasadyang tumatak sa aking isipan. Isang halimuyak na akala ko ay limot ko na.
Sabado. Inaya ako ng mga ka-opisina ko para mamili sa mall. Para kahit papaano ay malibang kahit sandali mula sa buong linggong pagtatrabaho, sumama ako. Ang isang araw na akala ko ay magiging kaaya aya at maluwag.
Masaya ang araw ko kahit umuulan at bumabagyo pero hindi ito nagtagal. Habang masayang nagkukuwentuhan sa loob ng jeep patungong "mall", nang ang aking atensiyon ay biglang pinukaw ng isang pamilyar na halimuyak. Ang halimuyak ay nagmumula sa kung kanino sa loob ng sasakyan. Isang halimuyak na hindi sinasadyang tumatak sa aking isipan. Isang halimuyak na akala ko ay limot ko na.
Anu ba pwede ko isulat dito?
Sa totoo lang, ang daming naglalaro sa isipan ko na isulat dito. Pero madami akong takot. Baka kasi makilala ako ng mga taong kilala ko.
Sana magkaron ako ng lakas ng loob na gawin ito. Hay...
Sana magkaron ako ng lakas ng loob na gawin ito. Hay...
Arcade
Medyo adik ako sa mga games. Minsan naadik ako dun sa game ng isang arcade where maghuhulog ka ng piso piso tapos may lalabas na ticket. hihihi.
My Own Baller
Matagal ko na siyang gusto. Pero di niya ako kilala. Sabagay di ko rin naman siya kilala.
Gustong gusto ko siyang nagbabasketball. Sana ako nalang iyong trunks niya. hihihi.
Gustong gusto ko siyang nagbabasketball. Sana ako nalang iyong trunks niya. hihihi.
I Wear A Thousand Mask
Please Hear What I'm Not Saying
By Charles C. Finn
Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear
For I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
Masks that I'm afraid to take off
And none of them is me.
Pretending is an art that's second nature with me,
but don't be fooled,
for God's sake don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I'm secure,
that all is sunny and unruffled with me,
within as well as without,
that confidence is my name and coolness my game,
that the water's calm and I'm in command
and that I need no one,
but don't believe me.
My surface may be smooth but
my surface is my mask,
ever-varying and ever-concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness.
But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed.
That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
a nonchalant sophisticated facade,
to help me pretend,
to shield me from the glance that knows.
But such a glance is precisely my salvation,
my only hope, and I know it.
That is, if it is followed by acceptance,
If it is followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself
from my own self-built prison walls
from the barriers that I so painstakingly erect.
It's the only thing that will assure me
of what I can't assure myself,
that I'm really worth something.
But I don't tell you this. I don't dare to. I'm afraid to.
I'm afraid you'll think less of me,
that you'll laugh, and your laugh would kill me.
I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing
and that you will see this and reject me.
So I play my game, my desperate, pretending game
With a façade of assurance without
And a trembling child within.
So begins the glittering but empty parade of Masks,
And my life becomes a front.
I tell you everything that's really nothing,
and nothing of what's everything,
of what's crying within me.
So when I'm going through my routine
do not be fooled by what I'm saying.
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying,
what I'd like to be able to say,
what for survival I need to say,
but what I can't say.
I don't like hiding.
I don't like playing superficial phony games.
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me
but you've got to help me.
You've got to hold out your hand
even when that's the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes
the blank stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.
Each time you're kind, and gentle, and encouraging,
each time you try to understand because you really care,
my heart begins to grow wings --
very small wings,
but wings!
With your power to touch me into feeling
you can breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.
I want you to know how important you are to me,
how you can be a creator--an honest-to-God creator --
of the person that is me
if you choose to.
You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,
you alone can remove my mask,
you alone can release me from the shadow-world of panic,
from my lonely prison,
if you choose to.
Please choose to.
Do not pass me by.
It will not be easy for you.
A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach me
the blinder I may strike back.
It's irrational, but despite what the books may say about man
often I am irrational.
I fight against the very thing I cry out for.
But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls
and in this lies my hope.
Please try to beat down those walls
with firm hands but with gentle hands
for a child is very sensitive.
Who am I, you may wonder?
I am someone you know very well.
For I am every man you meet
and I am every woman you meet.
***********
The first time that I have read this poem 'twas in my Literature subject during my college days. I fell in love with it and I want to share it here. Somehow, I feel like this speaks out some things that I can not say directly to people around me.
Hope you'd enjoy this as much as I loved it.
By Charles C. Finn
Don't be fooled by me.
Don't be fooled by the face I wear
For I wear a mask, a thousand masks,
Masks that I'm afraid to take off
And none of them is me.
Pretending is an art that's second nature with me,
but don't be fooled,
for God's sake don't be fooled.
I give you the impression that I'm secure,
that all is sunny and unruffled with me,
within as well as without,
that confidence is my name and coolness my game,
that the water's calm and I'm in command
and that I need no one,
but don't believe me.
My surface may be smooth but
my surface is my mask,
ever-varying and ever-concealing.
Beneath lies no complacence.
Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness.
But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it.
I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed.
That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,
a nonchalant sophisticated facade,
to help me pretend,
to shield me from the glance that knows.
But such a glance is precisely my salvation,
my only hope, and I know it.
That is, if it is followed by acceptance,
If it is followed by love.
It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself
from my own self-built prison walls
from the barriers that I so painstakingly erect.
It's the only thing that will assure me
of what I can't assure myself,
that I'm really worth something.
But I don't tell you this. I don't dare to. I'm afraid to.
I'm afraid you'll think less of me,
that you'll laugh, and your laugh would kill me.
I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing
and that you will see this and reject me.
So I play my game, my desperate, pretending game
With a façade of assurance without
And a trembling child within.
So begins the glittering but empty parade of Masks,
And my life becomes a front.
I tell you everything that's really nothing,
and nothing of what's everything,
of what's crying within me.
So when I'm going through my routine
do not be fooled by what I'm saying.
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying,
what I'd like to be able to say,
what for survival I need to say,
but what I can't say.
I don't like hiding.
I don't like playing superficial phony games.
I want to stop playing them.
I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me
but you've got to help me.
You've got to hold out your hand
even when that's the last thing I seem to want.
Only you can wipe away from my eyes
the blank stare of the breathing dead.
Only you can call me into aliveness.
Each time you're kind, and gentle, and encouraging,
each time you try to understand because you really care,
my heart begins to grow wings --
very small wings,
but wings!
With your power to touch me into feeling
you can breathe life into me.
I want you to know that.
I want you to know how important you are to me,
how you can be a creator--an honest-to-God creator --
of the person that is me
if you choose to.
You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,
you alone can remove my mask,
you alone can release me from the shadow-world of panic,
from my lonely prison,
if you choose to.
Please choose to.
Do not pass me by.
It will not be easy for you.
A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.
The nearer you approach me
the blinder I may strike back.
It's irrational, but despite what the books may say about man
often I am irrational.
I fight against the very thing I cry out for.
But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls
and in this lies my hope.
Please try to beat down those walls
with firm hands but with gentle hands
for a child is very sensitive.
Who am I, you may wonder?
I am someone you know very well.
For I am every man you meet
and I am every woman you meet.
***********
The first time that I have read this poem 'twas in my Literature subject during my college days. I fell in love with it and I want to share it here. Somehow, I feel like this speaks out some things that I can not say directly to people around me.
Hope you'd enjoy this as much as I loved it.
Cute Boy sa Jeep
Nakita ko ang cute na batang ito sa isang jip while in a taxi on my way to somewhere.
My Opinion on Caloy73's post "Ruzztye's back"
You could read the entry of Caloy73 in this link: http://caloy73.wordpress.com/2011/01/23/ruzztyes-back/
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